My first race...

It was exhilarating, exciting and exhausting. And I did it!

I got downtown an hour early and was freezing my ass off. Looking around at all the people, I kinda got nervous, wondering if I could hold my own. To top that off, I ran into emo Steve-o (bitchy ex) and he just glared. Can we say asshat?

So the line started moving and I got to the start line. I made a fist with my right hand, thumped my left pec and took off. I did that at each mile...twice if I was going back to running after a brief walking break to pump myself up. I managed to run most of the course, too...taking a brief break to relieve myself around mile 2, walking part of mile 5 (the hill) and walking part of mile 6 to save up for a strong finish.

The miles flew by and Doomsday hill is truly a bitch. I WILL run the entire hill next time!

I have to admit, as a gay man, I do feel the need to prove myself sometimes. Most guys think that all gay men are flamboyant, sissy-ish and can't do sports...so the minute they hear I do any kind of athletics, they assume I play like a girl. Along with proving some things to myself, I just proved yet again that gay dudes are men, too...we can hold our own athletically. I know I can.

At the same time, mile six was very emotional for me. I've dealt with a lot over the past year, and am still dealing with some lingering issues about myself, but during that mile, it became tangible that I would finish this race. Then mile seven came and went, and I saw the finish line. I crossed it and made my way downtown...then it all hit that I had done it. My first 12k in under an hour and a half. On my own. A year ago I wouldn't have made it...there was no way. I was a different person then. Content, yes, but soft. I've grown a lot from the pain and turmoil; it is making me stronger. I'm able to do things I never would've imagined, and I am succeeding at them. This success, this proof that I can do it, these moments of self-worth are something that nobody can ever take away from me. These are my successes...facing the world alone, odds against me, I am making my own way.


Edit: my official stats:
http://bloomsdayrun.org/results/ResultDetail.asp?Bib=29285&YEAR=2010

I knew the Nike+ was off (doesn't account for elevation and a few other things; gonna use this to calibrate it), so it figures the pace was off, but for a first-time without any training for it other than walking a few miles at lunch, I think I have respectable results.

Bloomsday playlist

Even though we're not allowed to have iPods or anything on the course, I came up with the following playlist. The first three miles are kind of slower BPMs to keep me pacing well, then I plan to walk mile four. Mile five starts out with a pick-up song to get me ready for Doomsday hill that comes up around then, the rest of the songs have a faster pace than the first three miles, but not by much (I want to keep a fairly good pace throughout the whole thing), then I finish on Paranaue. The two songs after are for when the endorphin rush hits.

Mile 1:
Eye of the Tiger - Survivor
I Got a Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
Empire State of Mind - Jay Z feat. Alicia Keyes

Mile 2:
Ray of Light - Madonna
Mr. Brightside - The Killers

Mile 3:
Blue Light (original ver.) - Jake Benson
Rave Techno - DJ Mangoo
Over You - Daddy DJ

Mile 4 (the rest mile):
Good Girls Go Bad - Cobra Starship
Tik Tok - Ke$ha
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

Mile 5:
Je Ne Sais Quoi - Hera Björk
Manboy - Eric Saade
Kom - Timoteij

Mile 6:
Still Waiting - Sum41
This is My Life - Eurobandið
Stronger - Britney Spears

Mile 7 (the wall):
Mortal Kombat Theme - The Immortals
Capoeira de Sao Salvador/Quem Vem La - Mestre Suassana
Don't Stop Believin' - Glee Cast

Mile 7.5 (last leg):
Paranaue - Only the Strong OST

Victory:
Like a Prayer - Glee Cast
All Things (Just Keep Getting Better) - Widelife

This race, like all of my other athletic pursuits, is very cathartic for me. I'm not going into the reasons why, but I'll say this: I need to prove some things to myself. This is one of them.